It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you'd be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you're going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn't be there. Either that, or you'd confide in them and you added to their problems. All you ever really had was yourself, and that sort of sucked if you were less than reliable.
I told myself that if I didn't care, this wouldn't have hurt so much - surely that proved I was alive and human and all those touchy-feely things, for once and for all.
There are reasons why I posted this up, in the midst of reading the book and also my academic book. Because that's how exactly I am feeling right now - giving myself into something whereby in the end I realized all I have was myself - but I know I will always have You.
